What Is It Like To Have Bipolar Disorder? (Suicidal Ideation, Part 11)

suicide is a liarLast post on http://www.SoBipolar.com we focused on the depressive symptom of isolation, now moving onto…

 Suicidal Ideation

Suicide has never and will never be the answer to anyone’s problems. Suicide is the biggest liar I have ever met. Suicidal ideation whispers in your ear that killing yourself will make all the pain disappear; it won’t. With that said, I know what it feels like to be so profoundly depressed that suicide seems like the only option.

Suicidal thoughts can start small; What if I run my car into that pole? What would happen if I take a few extra doses of my medication? The thoughts quickly escalate into driving erratically to tempt fate, and taking the whole bottle of medication. This is when bipolar depression becomes not only a problem for the person suffering from bipolar disorder, but for society at large. Mental health problems are everyone’s problem.

In my most suicidal state of mind I remember oddly fantasizing about how I would kill myself.   I thought of how others would feel (if anything) once I was gone. I remember feeling a sense of relief when I imagined myself removed from this world. I am so thankful I never went through with my plans.

Why didn’t I commit suicide? My angel of a fiancé (at the time) dragged me to the psychiatric hospital. A story for another day…

If you or someone you know is suicidal please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 (United States).

** As always, please remember, I am not a doctor. Just a so bipolar lady with a computer. So if you suspect you or someone you know has bipolar disorder, always consult with your physician or psychiatrist first.

I am so bipolar, and unashamed.

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