“They found his body,” were the words my husband told me. I dropped to my knees screaming. Words cannot express the utter sadness I felt when I received the news that my nephew, Christian, died of bipolar by way of suicide. I believe it is important to say that he “died of bipolar” and not he “committed suicide” because that implies he did something that was in his control. Bipolar had taken over his mind. I know, because I have been in the suicidal mindset myself and by the grace of God I was able to receive the medication I needed to get me out of my bipolar depression. Unfortunately, my nephew was not as lucky.
I could go on and on about how incredible my nephew was; brilliant, handsome, athletic, kind, infectious smile. But the reality is none of that mattered in the end because he was sick. He needed help. Why is it so dang hard for those of us with mental illness to find and receive help? We always say, reach out for help, but when we do it seems like not much happens. It took me two years of suicidal ideation to finally get the medication I needed. My nephew reached out multiple times, he even stayed at a psychiatric hospital. Nothing was helping him. When coronavirus hit and social distancing had him quarantined in his home without social interaction it took his mental illness from not good to uncontrollable.
I miss him. I miss him so much.
Please check on your loved ones, especially during this time of the pandemic. There is more than just the pandemic of the coronavirus happening, so many are suffering with their mental health as a result.
If you are suffering from a mental illness, please, please, PLEASE continue to reach out for help. You will feel better, these tough times will pass, you just have to give us time to help you.
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 should you or a loved one need to talk. If you feel it is an emergency, please go to your nearest emergency room. Let them help you. Please.
I love you.
If you wish to donate to Christian’s GoFundMe here is his link.
It might sound cliche to say “you are loved by God.” But how truly amazing is it that the creator of the entire world and universe loves YOU— for always and forever? I certainly know that I did nothing to deserve that kind of love. And yet, there God is, loving me everyday no matter what I may have messed up. And that is because I am enough for God, always, bipolar and all. I am enough. YOU are enough. Just. As. You. Are.
Do you hear people say things like “that chick is so bipolar” when what they really mean to say is “that chick is a huge bitch.” It is not the “chick” who is ‘so bipolar,’ rather that person is just ‘so uneducated.’
Those kinds of statements make me think that the average person must assume that I am a huge bitch when I say that I have bipolar. I hate that, because it is simply untrue.
I have been lucky enough to get to know thousands of you also carrying the bipolar diagnosis. I feel that I can confidently assure the world that bipolar does not mean bitch. If anything, bipolar means compassionate, loving, understanding, concerned, supportive, strong, capable, awesome, badass! So next time I hear someone say “she is so bipolar,” I will assume what they mean to say is “she is so badass!”
If you had an illness that was slowly making you go blind, would you stop at nothing to save your eyesight? The same motivation should apply to our mental health.
If your current bipolar therapy and/or medications aren’t helping you, then keep searching for what does! Perhaps that means looking for a new doctor or counselor, getting some genetic testing done, visiting a wellness center, or if you’re like me— flying to The Mayo Clinic to get some answers.
Over the past few weeks I have received genetic testing, blood work, brain MRI, 48-hour EEG monitoring, and more than five different doctors’ appointments. All of this so that I can get my mental health stronger. I share this in hopes of inspiring others to stop being complacent when it comes to mental health. If there is never any action on our part, how can we expect to get better?
How do you feel like your bipolar therapies/meds are working for you?
So much judgement is passed and all any of us wants is to feel loved. My hope is that we stop the judgements and accept others where they are and love them as they are — bipolar or not. But if you find yourself being judged by others, all the control is in your hands. You can choose to let judgements bother you, make you sad and bitter, or you can choose to move past the judgement and love people anyway. I hope we all have the strength and courage to choose the latter.
Depression and mental illness do not discriminate! Call your friends and family today, let them know how much you care, you could save a life. If you are feeling suicidal, please call the national suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255.