At night, I lie awake terrified. I’m terrified that I am losing my mind. Terrified that I’ll end up back in the psychiatric hospital.
I am also so angry right now. I am not posting this for sympathy or for people to feel badly for me. I’m writing this post so that others who feel this way right now do not feel alone or forgotten.
As I mentioned in a previous post I’ve been slowly weaning off of a medication I’ve been on for the past two years (and yes, I am being supervised by my doctor). My withdrawal symptoms are almost identical to the withdrawal symptoms a heroine addict goes through.
But here is the thing that I’m so angry about. Unlike a heroine addict I did not choose to take up recreational drugs. I was prescribed these drugs thinking they were “safe” and the responsible decision for managing my bipolar symptoms. Now that my body is rejecting the medication, I am finding the I am completely addicted.
My withdrawal symptoms include nausea, confusion, shaking, nervousness, agitation, depression, muscle spasms, spinal shocks, difficulty falling asleep, tearfulness, headaches, a feeling of my mind being numb, and only because I have a history of seizures, I can tell I feel “seizure-y” all day. Basically I’m a huge disaster… and I’ve been progressively getting worse over a period of five weeks.
Worst of all, my sweet husband is having to step in to take care of our children until I’m over this. Please God, let it be soon!
It’s moments like this these that bring me to my knees and ask God to takeover. I’m helpless without Him. I trust in Him that I will get through this. And if you’re going through this as well, you will too.
I’m so much stronger than bipolar, it will not destroy me. I won’t let it. It tries so hard to destroy me, but I will always win.
So, that’s all I’ve got for today. If you pray, I could really take one of your prayers today. Thank you 💚💚💚